A Healing Journey by neverstaybroken

At the end of service every Sunday, our pastor invites the members of our church to the front for personal prayer. At this time, some of the elders and deacons will ask us, individually, whatever prayers we need.

In the last few months, I’ve been making myself step up front and allowing them to pray for me. I say making because I am proud and egotistical. I don’t like asking for help, because it makes me feel weak. Asking for help in front of others? It’s downright painful.

Then there’s the voice from my childhood that says I don’t belong. Despite the fact that I want to, often desperately. I have to fight the deep-seated belief that I am not a part of, but apart from.

As it happens, my fiancé’s sister is one of the people who offers prayer at the end of service. She knows a lot, and we rarely have to tell her what prayers we need. She’s always been pleasant and supportive. Not once have I ever heard a negative word from her when it comes to my engagement with Kim.

And yet, I never quite expected the words that came out of her mouth.

She thanked God for putting me in Kim’s life. For giving her sister the man that they’ve all been praying for her to have. And she called me a blessing.

I truly conisder myself the lucky one. I never allowed it to sink in that I might be considered a blessing to someone else.

During my drinking days, no one would have called me a blessing. I wasn’t anywhere near living up to my potential. People were praying for me to find my way. Probation was telling me to pull my head out of my (yep) or they would send me back. Friends were watching me collapse. Women would only get so close before they realized they couldn’t save me.

I left wreckage in my wake. And there was no end in sight.

Eventually, it all became painful enough for me to want to change. Just one toe in the water at first. But then slowly, in fearful increments, I began to allow a higher power to work in my life.

Is this the answer for everyone? I don’t actually know. But I do know that is where it started for me. The idea that maybe, just maybe, there was something in this universe that could do a better job than me.

That was all that was required to make my beginning.

And I am grateful every day that I was able to allow that first little sliver of light to shine in.

Thank you for reading, and for supporting my efforts to heal. I hope this has helped you in some way.

If you’re curious about my poetry collections, please click the menu at the top of the page and select “books”. Each image will take you to the corresponding listing on Amazon.

Thank you for being a part of my life journey. May God bless you and keep you always ❤️